Waves crash, surf detonates
Korean ordinance
Reminding me tonight
of a forgotten war
A friend of mine
will expire
probably within six months
And I wonder what to feel
How to cope
with an ending
incomprehensible
But shared by all
We talked, he laughed
"At least I know when,"
Voice firm, teeth white
Years since he quit smoking
Better than a semi
I thought, a lapse of attention
some nameless intersection
and oblivion
Last night I dreamt
A galaxy of light
Big beyond comprehension
Yearning to be explored
I'm ready.
I like the opening, the way "detonates"--with three syllables, accent on the first, meshes with "ordinance"--also the same three syllables and same accent. To me, it's interesting because the similarity of the two words almost makes it seem like they rhyme, when in reality they don't. That's the ultimate subtle rhyme, I guess. The thought that struck me while reading it also was the ironic disposition of a Korean War veteran being taken out with something as ignominious as lung cancer, when in the War--if he saw any action--the bodies of the enemy were stacked ten high, as wave after wave of attacks crashed against their fortifications. And of course "waves of enemy crashing" could elude back to your opening metaphor of the surf. I really like your conclusion, which seems satisfying and aprropriate, how the narrator relates the friend's death to his own. All in all, it seems like your developing a pretty profound statement.
ReplyDelete--Mark