Your blood pressure is a little high...
"Maybe
because I'm embarrassed about what happened to me."
And so I told my story...
And I told it over and over at the emergency
ward while waiting for my x-ray results--until I suspected staff members were
bringing people off the street, possibly charging admission...
"Okay,
like I told the P.A. (Physician's Assistant)
I was
riding a quad, you know an ATV, kind of like a motorcycle but with four wheels."
My latest
listener nodded encouragingly.
"At
the time, I was going down a steep hill, so steep most sane people wouldn't
consider walking it.
My friend
was behind me on his own ATV and we were taking it slowly, under 10 mph
certainly."
Another
nod from my latest visitor.
"Anyway,
my right front wheel slid against a road channel and locked in sideways,
stopping all forward motion.
The
vehicle stopped abruptly and my body continued forward at the previous
velocity."
And what
happened?
"What
happened? Obviously, I
sailed over the handle bars and landed 7 or 8 feet down the trail.
Now usually, that's no problem. Happens all the time, you know?"
A raised eyebrow.
"You know, like the saying I once saw on a
t-shirt: I don't have a drinking problem. I drink. I fall down. No problem
Which is to say, I've fallen off
motorcycles many times-no big deal."
Then why are your here?
"Well obviously--because two wheeled idiot
motorcyclists rutted this trail out over the years shaping it into an absolute
"W". I landed on the middle ridge of that sharp letter.
In seconds, it seemed to me, my friend was
kneeling over me. My first words were:
"It threw me."
"Are
you all right, John?"
"I'm
not sure, Bob, , I remember a cracking sound when I hit the ground. I
didn't just feel it, but heard it--with my ears.
Then I
saw something big and green coming in from my right. My quad.
My latest
listener leaned forward in anticipation.
"Apparently the ATV I had just been ejected
from had been idling, still in gear and at that point decided to move in for
the kill.
Kind of
like--the bad man was down, time to finish him off but maybe it was just what
they call post injury shock, I don't know."
My listener leaned back and went silent. I
figured she was trying to distance herself from my Stephen King-like
interpretation of events. But I continued...
"Bob and I watched as the front wheels of
my ATV rolled over both of my legs. Didn't
hurt much at the time, no snapping sounds, possibly because a quad is lighter
when no one was actually riding it.
At this
point my listener covered her mouth.
"And
then the rear wheels--with all the weight of the 500 cc engine and tranny were
about to roll over my legs a second time while I waited numbly for twin
snapping sounds,
But Bob
stood up and wrestled with the handle bars, managing to turn the killer machine
away, and eventually jumped on top of it and parked it down the trail."
And all
this happened how long ago?
"A little over 24 hours, I guess."
And it
took you this long to seek medical attention for a fractured rib?" (First I'd heard of it, thank you very
much!)
"Well,
you see, at the time we were less than half way to our destination."
Which was?
"Not
sure. Just a couple of places way out on our map."
Then you
started back to Visalia?
"Actually,
no, because we found some huge logs along the way and we're planning on an
enormous campfire that evening."
My
listener shook her had back and forth and eventually stood up.
As she
opened the door,
I saw her
motion to someone, a "next" kind of gesture, hopefully for the
PA, maybe even a real doctor.
But she
turned to me before she left the room.
Have you
considered having someone say a prayer over your motorcycle?
"Yeah,
hah, that's good. Like the
Christine car in that old movie, bad mojo, bad metal, an exorcism kind of
thing?"
She nodded and closed the door.
Honest to God, some people are so weird. Why can't everyone be normal like Bob
and me?
